Twitter: The Best Thing Since Sliced Bread

Options, options, options. What type of tweeter are you?


Nicole Niemiec, Staff Reporter

On March 21st, 2006, a beautiful Aries named Twitter was born. On this day, the world found peace, crops were plentiful, bank accounts thrived, and teenagers’ acne cleared. Since then, about 330 million people have tweeted and scrolled aimlessly down their timelines. Unfortunately, until Twitter has surpassed the actual bird population of the world of 200 to 400 billion, that’s barely a statistic they can flaunt. However, that’s still a lot of tweeters.

Twitter’s like your high school, but better. There’s a clique for everyone. If you’re feeling unsure about where you belong in the world or just simply overwhelmed from all the choices, reach out to your doctor and have them prescribe a Twitter for you. Are you the type of person who enjoys making a joke out of everything in order to mask your dark and depressed state of mind? It sounds like Meme Twitter or Night Twitter is for you. Have you ever received a long text message and replied to the most irrelevant portion of it? Guilty of playing devil’s advocate every possible second? You might want to take a trip down to Troll Twitter. Do you find yourself retweeting the Dory and Common White Girl account often? What about using emojis religiously? It would seem that you belong to Local Twitter. Don’t see any Twitter communities that suit you just yet? Don’t worry. There’s Stan Twitter for those who who live and breathe for their favorite icons, Woke Twitter for those who thrive to be the social justices of the internet, and Actual News Twitter for those who, well, actually like the news.

So, what makes Twitter the best social media platform? The list is limitless.

Starting in 2017, tweeters are not limited to only 140 characters of pure nonsense. Now everyone is able to tweet 280 characters of sheer nonsense instead. Talk about upgrades!

You’ll be in the know. Twitter sees the future and starts trends before any other platform. Facebook is still stuck on memes from November.

Twitter is the only platform where you can overshare with strangers on the Internet and refrain from being judged. Who wants to share their business on Facebook where family members can see? Oversharing and exhibiting a mental breakdown in front of your followers is a much more superior alternative.

If you don’t want to see someone’s tweets but you’re afraid of suffering the consequences of breaking the mutual and unfollowing, you can mute them instead. Can’t do that on Snapchat or Instagram, can you?

Twitter asks all of the questions you were too scared to. Like Justin Bieber, I, too, have wondered why Rhode Island is neither a road nor an island.

Your tweets don’t even have to mean anything! We weren’t kidding about the pure nonsense.

And how could we possibly spend a day without seeing a tweet from our favorite Twitter bear, @A_single_bear?

What’s a better way of spending your time than having Twitter brawls? Whether it’s on Local Twitter or Woke Twitter, it’s guaranteed that there’s always someone that you’ve offended.  

Where would we be without the queen of Twitter, Gail Walden? Twitter loves the woman who hasn’t relaxed since 1979 and just wants teenage girls to find jobs instead of boyfriends. (We completely agree, Gail. Who knows how to relax anymore?)

After every tweet that seems too unbelievably stupid to be true, there’s always that one user that tweets, “How is Twitter still free?” But don’t worry, pal, the FCC heard you loud and clear, and they’re on it.

While those are only some of the many reasons why Twitter is the greatest social media platform ever, it’s easy to why being a Twitter user is worth it. Twitter has practically become its own culture now. So buckle down, create an account, abandon it after failing to figure out how to work it, come back after five months, and become obsessed like every other Twitter user. It’s a simple algorithm and initiation process.